Smallest I've Ever Been - And Still Looking Jacked

It’s every hard-working man’s dream, and every lazy ass chump’s nightmare. But when it comes to packing on serious, fat-free pounds, people are about as clueless as Rebecca Black getting singing lessons in music school. So on this page, I’m going to go over the absolute core fundamentals of building muscle – naturally, without the help of any gear (steroids).

Not that there is anything wrong with steroids, it’s a personal choice for some. In fact let’s get into this topic briefly so that you know what the hell is going on behind the scenes. Guys that generally look like they take steroids (pro bodybuilders) know more about putting on natural mass than the average dude. That’s because they know the basic fundamentals which I’m about to drop on your head like rusty anvil. Combine their grasp of the basics with serious dedication and work ethic, and you have your pro bodybuilder.

If you want proof, just seek out pictures of your favorite muscle men before they turned “pro” and you’ll see that even during their natural phase in life, they looked better than the average gym bro doing dumbbell kick backs like the pussy that he is. Arnold being one of the prime, picture-perfect examples. So know that steroids aren’t a replacement for basics – the pro’s that take them can on any given day out work and out eat you under the table then steal your girlfriend and drive you into considering a sex change.

…Obviously the “juice heads” from Jersey Shore don’t count. In fact, they look rather pathetic for publicly claiming to be on “juice” in my opinion. You’re about to look even more jacked, without having to compromise the state of your ball sack or risking bitch tits.

1. Nutrition

You Can’t Grow A Tree By Planting Just A Seed

In the same way a planted seed needs water, your body needs calories. Duh, right? But it’s slightly more complex than that. First of all, I don’t bother aiming for specific caloric numbers any more – at least not for the first 4 weeks. Whenever someone comes to me begging for size (not that kind of size), the first thing I do is allot 3500 calories, every-god-damn-day. For those that are clueless, 3500 calories is about a pound of food.

From that pound of food, the first thing I determine the amount of protein they need to consume. Now what have you all heard before? “Eat 1g per pound of bodyweight in protein bro!”

Bullshit. That ain’t enough as far as I’m concerned. My suggestion is for you to eat 1g per pound of bodyweight you WANT to be at. So if you weigh 150lbs and want to be 170lbs, then you’re eating 170g of protein per day – no exceptions. The reason for this is that A) It always works and B) It takes TEF into effect… roughly speaking. TEF stands of “Thermic Effect of Food”. There’s no time to go into detail about it right now, so just Google it or wait for a detailed article from me.

So you have your calories, and you have your protein in grams, which you multiply by 4 so you know how many calories that accounts for (So from the example above, 170 x 4 = 680 calories from protein). Subtract the protein calories from the 3500 and you now have a number which is to be eaten in carbs and fats. How much carbs and fats? Irrelevant – just stuff your face for now. Generally more carbs than fat though. But the point is, you can adjust and fine tune this shit later as the weeks go by, to avoid excessive fat gain.

You Can’t Lift Big Without Training… Eating Big Works The Same Way!

Most trainers generally give decent advice when it comes to nutrition concerning building muscle, but they’re either too fucking lazy or clueless to show you HOW to eat big. Just because I tell you that you need to eat 3500 calories doesn’t mean you’ll be able to do it. At least not most of you. Some have the natural appetite of a starving race horse and can vaccum food – and if you’re one of these lucky assholes then good for you, move on to the next point. And know that I secretly hate you right now.

But if you’re not a big eater, you need to train yourself to eat for mass. Plain and simple.

Supplementation

Assuming your basic nutrition and food intake is on point, you can really turbo charge your results by adding supplements into the mix. Here are some basic ones you should be using. Also, if be sure to check out my supplement review section so you don’t end up buying a bottle of bullshit.

2. Training

Generally, you’re going to have to lift some heavy shit off the floor – but unlike strength training where you only have to do it a few times, building mass needs volume. This means lifting it repeatedly. The very first thing you should know, is your one rep max (1RM) of most basic compound exercises. Once you know this, memorize the following magical statement. You ready?

“Hypertrophy favours high(er) volume training at 70-80% of your 1RM”

Where my philosophy differs from most is that I prefer not to mish-mash my strength and hypertrophy training. What the hell is a mish-mashed protocol? Well, most 5×5 programs are ones I would consider mish-mashed. The idea behind them is that 5 reps is enough to force you to lift heavy so you’ll get stronger, which in turn will help you put on size. True. But to get really god damn strong, there is a better way, and to put on muscle really quickly, what I’ve listed above is a better way. If  you try and go for a general, middle ground approach, you’ll look like a mediocre pansy.

Screw mediocracy! If something is worth doing, you might as well aim high and do it to the best of your ability. Otherwise, you’re going to look just like the rest of the jokers walking around.

Let’s dive into more details when it comes to training…

Reps

All you need to know, is that reps are absolutely KING. Reps determine what weight you will use and how many sets to pull off. In fact, it doesn’t matter what type of training you do – reps are always king. When I say “do 6 reps”, what I really mean is pick a weight where by 6 reps you are practically exhausted. If you were able to do 7 reps, then your weight selection was off, it’s as simple as that. Below are a list of rep-ranges provide awesome results for hypertrophy (muscle building) purposes.

• 6-8 (5+)
• 8-10 (3-4)
• 10-12 (3-4)
• 12-15 (2-3)

I personally like to cycle between these. You’ll also notice other numbers in brackets – these are the number of sets I recommend. Notice how the number of sets you do drop as the number of reps you do goes up. This shit isn’t written in stone as you can easily do 5 sets of 12 reps, but I would only perform such a feat of crazyness if I knew that my body responded well to it. And knowing such things takes time and practice. Start off with the basics listed then take it from there.

Exercise Selection

Keep it big, bad and compound. Remember it as an acronym (BBC). If you’re not sure, put the exercise through the test of the three B’s and see if it passes. Let’s take the tricep kickback as an example. First, it cannot be a big lift because even at a measly 15-20lbs, ninety nine percent of people’s form becomes fugly (fucking ugly). Next, it’s not bad ass by any stretch of the imagination – Elton John, driving a Prius has a  more bad ass status than a dumbbell kickback. And finally it’s not a compound movement at all. So there, it fails, which means you shouldn’t bother with its lameness.

So let’s get to what works. Below are a list of some big, bad and basic exercises that will put mass on you (notice how this list is oddly similar to the list of exercises I recommend in strength training).

• Barbell Squat
• Barbell Bench Press (Includes all variations: Close grip, reverse grip, incline/decline)
• Barbell Deadlift (Includes all variations: Sumo, RDL, Rack Pulls etc.)
• Weighted Chinups (Or regular chin-ups if you’re weaker than a poodle)
• Weighted Dips (Or regular dips if you suck)
• Overhead Press (Includes variations: Push Press, Military, Behind the neck, etc.)
• Barbell Shrugs
• Zercher Squats
• Barbell Bentover Rows (or Pendlay rows if you’re feeling like a champ)
• Dumbbell Bench Press (also try one arm)
• Dumbbell Shoulder Press (also try one arm)
• Overhead Squat
• Dumbbell Pullovers

That should be enough to get you going. In fact, if you’re a noobie or intermediate - DO NOT DEVIATE from those exercises.

Progression

It should be evident that if you’re lifting the same weights over and over again, that you will eventually stop growing – I mean is that really an innovative idea? Not really. Yet it’s astounding to me how many forget, so don’t be the tool that forgets to add some poundage to your lift every few weeks. This process is called progressive overload (P.O), and it’s one of the key factors to building non-stop muscle on your frame. In fact, you could probably select the shittiest exercises known to man, but as long as you’re eating right and apply P.O you’ll probably grow. No joke.

While most trainers will agree on the importance of progressive overload – not all agree on the rate of progress itself. Some are very linear and say “add 5lbs per week” or “you should go up by 10lbs per month” and to be honest, blanket statements like that are the height of douchebaggery. There is not a single soul on Earth that will progress at a constant, stead rate. I’ve seen newbies add 10lbs to their bench press in a week. I’ve also personally struggled to add 5lbs to my bench over the course of nearly two months. Shit happens and sometimes you stall and sometimes you blast through all your lifts.

Therefore, the best thing to do would be to try and be linear, but don’t beat yourself up if the linear rate of progress stops. Feel it out. For example, looking at your logs (you are logging all your shit, aren’t you?), you might see that next week it’s time to up the weight on your squat by 5lbs. However, you walked into the gym feeling like a boss and you just know that you can probably add the 5lbs today and crush it.

So what should you do? Back off, respect the program and wait till next week?

Fuck no. Rules exist so you know when to break them – so you would add the extra 5lbs, drop dat ass down low, and squat the shit outta that bar. Mission accomplished.

3. Rest/Recovery

First, let’s talk recovery. There are two schools of thought on recovery and nither is more correct than the other – they just exist so you can choose what you want to do.

The first piece of advice says that in order to grow, you need lots of rest. Therefore training with sufficient volume and load three times per week is more than enough. The rest of your time should be used to sleep/eat/grow. I know many dudes who train 3x a week and look very muscular indeed. I myself workout 3-4 times per week 80% of the time. This type of training also works really well for beginners.

The second piece of advice says “the hell with this rest crap – you should train as often as possible as long as you get your 8 hours a night.”

Logically, it goes against everything the dudes who support 3/4 training days per week… but bodybuilders, gymnasts and Bulgarian lifters train practically every day, and sometimes even multiple times per day. And surprisingly, these men and women are some of the strongest, most muscular and ripped human beings I’ve ever seen. So how in the hell do they have time to grow?

Well first of all, you need to realize that these individuals are athletes. These aren’t your average gym bros and gals. Their body is used to high demands and stress, so doing a few sets of bench, squats and deadlifts 3x a week is chump change. They need more stimulus. It’s like a world class porn star being banged by a 3 inch man sausage – boooring.

Second, these people are proof that high volume training works. I was in gymnastics and also did competitive power tumbling – which resulted in training 12 hours a week. National/world class gymnasts train 24-30 hours a week. It’s their fucking job. And have you seen their physiques? With that much volume their body has no option but to adapt, recover and grow as quickly as possible.

Finally, their nutrition is on-point. And by that I mean their caloric intake is quite high. Obviously, pro bodybuilders take gear in which helps them recover in record time, but I know of natural bodybuilders who train just as often so let’s not dismiss this fact by pointing at steroids. If you’re not feeding your body, it’s kind of hard to get up the very next morning for another destructive workout.

My General Rule Of Thumb

If you’ve been training for 2 years or less, then 3-4 days a week is PLENTY. If you’ve been training longer than that, then you can use bursts of high volume training to blast past plateaus, put on some quick size and generally shock your body into awesomeness. Just make sure that you get your 8 hours a night, regardless of what rest protocol you choose.

Putting It All Together

So there you have it – a comprehensive, fool-proof guide to building some muscle. It ain’t rocket science, it just takes patience, hard work and not being dumb. If for some reason you still cannot put together a solid routine or you’re strapped for time and just need someone to make a custom plan for your ass, then I’m your man. I can either make a customized program OR electronically train/consult you on a weekly basis.

Regardless of what you choose – be prepared to work. If you need someone to discuss feelings with, go find a therapist. I’m a trainer and training with me sucks… but in the best possible way!

- FJ