Whether you’re male or female (I assume mostly male), the fact that you’re reading this means you’re having a hard time putting on weight. And the only reason you’re having trouble with that, is because you’re not eating enough, plain and simple.

No, don’t tell me you’ve tried eating “lots of food”. It was obviously not enough.  And it’s also obvious that your sense of food quantity is so horribly inaccurate, it makes a the weatherman on channel 5 news seem as if he has psychic powers.

And no, don’t tell me you’ve “tried every supplement under the sun,” because that’s like telling me you’ve banged every prostitute in your city corner and still haven’t managed to find true love. You’re going about this the wrong way.

So if the answer is that you’re not eating enough, the next thing you need to ask yourself is “Why?”

The answer is probably because you physically can’t. Over the years of eating like a bulimic chicken on a diet, you’ve managed to train your body to eat in portion sizes that are smaller than the junk in your trunk. In fact, those two things are probably related somehow, but I’m too lazy to go on PubMed and spend half an hour searching for references.

But fear not you mass challenged individual… because FJ has the solution. (By the way, if you’re a female, then that prostitute metaphor is starting to sound extremely hot right about now. Call me. Or poke me on facebook)

The first thing you need to do is find your base caloric requirements (technically known as BMR). In stupidly simple terms, figure out how many calories a day you need to consume to keep yourself at your current weight without too many fluctuations. You can use the Harris-Benedict formula to get a rough idea but you’ll have to play around with it for a week or two before you land on the answer. The process goes like so:

• Weigh yourself at the start of the week
• Use equation to spit out number
• Eat that many calories for the entire week. Keep workouts constant (if it’s 3 days a week, do no more)
• Weigh yourself at the end of week. If you went up, decrease calories by 200-300/day and try again. If you dropped weight, increase by 500/day and try again
• Rise & Repeat till you find a caloric # which keeps you at a constant weight

Now that you have your base caloric number, add 1000 to this amount and put it aside. This is the amount of food you’ll need to consume PER day to gain some real weight, and we’ll call it your Gainer Caloric Requirement (GCR). This is where my advice stops for most individuals because they get to it. But you are not normal, you cannot eat enough heavy meals to meet such guidelines so we are going to…

Re-Program Your Body To Eat Big

First step is to figure out your Base Intake Threshold (BIT). I made that term up, which means it should now be part of your lexicon. Anyways, finding out your BIT is a fun process because what you do is stuff your face like a fat kid who found a Burger King after getting out of solitary confinement. Then once you can eat no more, you calculate how many calories you took in.

Once you have your BIT, you are now going to eat that amount every meal plus an additional 100-200 liquid calories for the next two weeks. I highly recommend those extra calories come from a protein shake. But do not exceed the GCR value you came up with above. These two numbers will also give you the number of meals to eat on a daily basis.

So for example, let’s say your GCR is 3000 calories.

And your BIT happened to be 800 calories, on which you must add 200 liquid calories. You now have 1000.

GCR / New BIT value = Meals Per Day (3000/1000 = 3)

Get it? Good.

After about 1-2 weeks of adding an additional 200 liquid calories to your BIT, you will switch them to solid calories. So following the example above, you’ll still be taking in 1000, but the extra 200 now will come from say, a chicken breast and a small side… or whatever else you want to throw in your mouth. Once you get used to the 200 calories, add 100 more and repeat the process till you are satisfied with the amount of calories you can devourer in one sitting.

If you’ve never tried to physically expand your eating capabilities, then let me enlighten you on some facts from personal experience:

• It absolutely CAN be done, so don’t knock it till you try it. Or I’ll knock you
• It will NOT be fun for the first week, so get used to being uncomfortably full
• This process can be continued or repeated if you want to increase  your capacity again a few months or years down the road
• At some point, you will reach the limits of how much your stomach can take. It’s like the genetic potential of weight lifting; when you’re a wimpy noob, you can add 5lbs to your bench every week, but eventually even a gain of 2.5lbs is a bitch, and takes months of training.

How/Why Does My Technique Work?

I’ve been honing this method for a while. If you recall in my old, 6 reasons to eat 6 meals a day article, one of the primary reasons I used to eat 6 times/day is because of my eating limitations. I can now eat about 500 extra calories per meal then I was used to before so meal frequency is a non-issue (as it should be for most). I got the idea from studying professional power eaters (yes, there are such people). These guys are flown around the world to take part in eating challenges, and you won’t believe your fucking eyes how much food then can manage to eat. It defies belief. You might even puke thinking about it.

But then I found out one of their main secrets – stomach expansion. One of the best power eaters, known as furiouspete can eat a pound of butter in about 5  minutes. I bet his asshole is so lubricated that gay men everywhere have found a new alternative to Astroglide. But that’s just a guess, see video below for proof and simultaneous disgust of this butter eating feat…

How does he do it? Well for one, he believes he has a little “malfunction” where the signal which tells the brain that you’re full is either weak or doesn’t exist (can’t remember the quote, bite me). While we can’t emulate his defectively awesome brain, what we can emulate is the fact that he drinks like 10-15L of water before the night of a competition to expand his stomach like an oversized water balloon. Then in the morning, after aiding the fire department extinguish flames with his never-ending piss, he is ready to fill that space with whatever amount of food is presented to him.

I don’t see why they use airplanes to drop food rations in third world countries for the needy. Just get Pete to eat a shit load of rice, then stand at the edge of the loading dock and start puking it out, as if it were crop dusting season. The bonus is that the rice will be pre-digested. What? Birds do it, it’s natural… so of course it’ll be good for them, duh!

Back to logic. So in essence, when you use my technique and add the 200 extra liquid calories after you feel extremely full, you are slowly expanding your stomach. But liquid is one sneaky bitch; it has a habit of finding space where there seems to be none, which is why we switch to solid calories later. After weeks of doing this, you’re physical eating capacity will be increased and viola – no more bitching about not being able to gain weight.

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© 2011, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

Tired Of Looking Ordinary? Click Here And Get FJ To Design A Fitness Plan Just For You! FREE Initial Consultation.

One thing that sucks about the fitness industry is that most trainers, or “preachers” lack a sense of humour and literally bore me to tears. If you read their stupid blogs and websites, you almost get this sense that if you asked them to have fun… they’d give you a confused look. “Hmm… ‘fun’, I think I might have to Google that.”

However, I have found a man who’s core philosophy revolves around fun. He ditches the usual, dull and boring ways that are known to be oh so ubiquitous throughout the fitness community and instead, brings almost a stand-up-comedy level of hilarity to our world of barbells and dumbbells. It’s a rare gift, and I had a chance to interview him. Below is a completely uncensored chat log of what went on when FJ met Roger Lawson. I shouldn’t even call this an interview since I left nothing out. You get the entire conversation from beginning to end.

What Was Discussed?

We talk about women, fitness, life, sexification, Serina William’s ass, sex, BROtein, being a Mcdonald’s whore, and much, much more. So grab something to drink and settle in, because this may just be the funniest shit you’ll read all year… nay, in your lifetime.

Warning: If you’re easily offended, don’t have a sense of humour or you look like straight-edge nerd that doesn’t appreciate entertainment value beautifully mixed with great content, then this interview isn’t for you.

The Pre Interview

me: Roger, what up dude

Roger: Yo man.

Just getting home from picking up my lady from work

Sitting here like a sloth in all this heat

me: Ah, now you know what it’s like to stand next to me

Roger: That explains the random boner! I thought it was from me eating that yohimbe tree or something

me: you mean, BROner?

Roger: Hahaha, bro just fits into any word naturally. BROgina

me: That’s a tranny

Roger: BROlosopher

me: BROcologist

Roger: BROtein

me: Oh, I had some a few hours ago. It had time and slow release technology…

Roger: I hear they shrink midgets and put them into the protein to slow down digestion

Because we all know that midgets are fat, and fat slows it all down!

me: Hah, It was steak wrapped in bacon.

Roger: God damn you, that’s my only mortal weakness… Steak wrapped in bacon

The only thing greater is steak wrapped bacon woman. Preferably one with some color on her

me: I have yet to wrap my woman in bacon… she seems highly contempt with sausage at the moment

Roger: HIYOOOOOOO!

me: HIYOO!! *BROFIST*

Roger: Bwahahaha! *BROFIST*

If you’re free, do you wanna rock this interview an hour early?

me: For sure, as soon as you’re done with your woman chauffeur duties, send me a msg on Gchat. In the mean time, I’m going to grab a glass of fine scotch and prep some probing questions while you melt.

Roger: Awwww hell yeah. I’m ready when you are, I got back about 20min ago and am all settled in now

I’ll give you a few moments of BROtime though

me: You are one kind, dark man. You can be my shadow any day of the week.

Roger: Hahahaha. Best thing I’ve heard all day

me: Alright let me grab my glass of golden deliciousness (not pee) and i’ll be back in a few…

The Beginning Of Awesome

me: So first of all, thanks for not being a complete stiff bag… too many “fitness gurus” sound like anally retarded textbooks. They have no personality to them, but yours shines through your writing. I’m assuming because you’re outgoing in person?

Roger: Thank you kindly, homie. That honestly is one of the best compliments that someone could ever give me. I’d definitely say that I’m pretty outgoing in person – I get my energy from people. If one of the requirements for being a fitness professional was that I had to be supremely technical, dull sounding and void of all personality and fun, then I’d rather drink toilet water

me: Agreed. Though personally I’d rather be a lawyer… at least I get to bank some cash. And maybe some feisty female inmates. (BTW, I’ll be combing through this interview and give it a good edit, so don’t worry about spelling and other inferior aspects of writing. I’ll understand your ramblings. My readers will too.)

Roger: Good, because my native language is Chinese and I can’t spell for shit

me: Yeah I could tell by your light complexion and squinty eyes.

Roger: And large penis. DO NOT forget that.

me: HAHA, how could I? The motherfucker nudged me while I was 5 feet away, trying to get my latté

Roger: You know, I actually like the idea of possibly encountering a woman that can squat my max as a warm up in jail. I’m sure her vagina would do my penis’ taxes hahaha

me: Haha yeah, something kinky about it right? I duno, real men understand. Hipsters wont

Roger: Wurd! But yeah man, I just love people. Starting this blog has allowed me to meet so many cool people that I otherwise would’ve never met

me: Yeah I was going to ask you, you’ve been blogging for a while now, so for those that are thinking about starting a fitness blog, what are the 3-5 most important things you could tell them to do?

Roger: I started in September 09, blogged kinda-sorta frequently in the beginning. Then fell off hard in January/Feb . I had no idea what I was doing and felt that my voice was just blending in to the already saturated blogosphere, and I didn’t like that AT ALL

So I really stopped blogging at that point to figure out what I really wanted to do, what my prime objective was, and then I came back with a vengeance in September 2010 and haven’t looked back since

me: I like it. And what was your prime objective?

Roger: To deliver top notch fitness info in an informative and humorous way. If I can’t make you smile or girly giggle at some point during what I right, I don’t want to write it.

And trust me, Even the manliest man has girly giggled at my content. No penis jokes please.

me: Shut up, I’ll never admit such things. I think that’s the difference between you and I – you can actually write comedy. Mine just turns into comedy, more like “har-har-har.”  I can’t consciously write funny shit… it will turn out to be verbal baby puke. It has to come out organically.

Roger: Man, let me tell ya, If I couldn’t do what I’m doing now, I would make a serious run at stand up. I’d probably suck for a long time, but I know that eventually I’d come out on top

me: You would. I’d consider that as a side career if I were you. More appealing than toilet water drinking… though that has its own benefits – like hanging out with REAL DAWGS!

Roger: BWAHAHAHA! I might have to bring you on stage with me

me: Only if we can wear Spartan gear and kick hecklers off stage. Literally.

Roger: God damn, that would be fantastic. Right into a well

me: “This IS COMEDDYYY!!” *FRONT KICK* – Come to think of it, that would be fucking hilarious.

Roger: We need to get a patent on some bullet time technology. Stuff like that is only cool in slow motion

me: That’s true. ORRR we can just get everyone drunk. It’ll look like bullet time to them, and its cheaper on our wallets.

Roger: Sweet Jesus, you should be a business consultant, For Google.

me: I do pride myself in being a businessman.

So now here’s a question I wanted to throw your way. And I’m repeating verbatim from some dude, “What the fuck is sexification?” I think this person is looking for an official definition, since that’s what you’re all about. Can you help out this tool-bucket please?

Roger: Well first of all, I’d like to thank you personally for cutting through the jibba jabbah and getting right into the question. A person with more unscrupulous morals would have easily turned such a succinct question into an epic novel

me: Indeed, good sir.

Roger: But back to the question at hand. In my opinion, which is the only one that matters since I reckon I came up with the word, Sexification, while it encompasses looking how you want to look, is about so much more. Think back to a time when you’ve been in the presence of a really awesome person – what was it about them that drew you in?

me: her fantastic ass

Roger: Sure, if they’re a female then having all the right accessories and looking like what love feels like definitely helps, but odds are it was more than that too – Speaking of, we need to side track and talk about Serena Williams at some point

me: Done

Roger: That ass gives hope to the future

me: But I see what you’re getting at. Charisma, and mainly confidence when you DO look sexy as fuck

Roger: Yes. Sexification is really all about being WHO YOU ARE without feeling bad about it or thinking you have to compromise on it

me: I’d say the sexiness of your vibe is directly proportional to the level of awesomeness of your body

Roger: Oh fo sho. I haven’t met a person who doesn’t want to look better. Now whether they’re willing to work towards it is another subject entirely, but everyone does. And if they say that they don’t, they’re lying and I’ll engage them in Mortal Kombat.

Like, if you’re a grown man who loves collecting pogs, while I’m not into it, that’s Sexification to me. Collect the SHIT out of those pogs! Aim to be the best at it if that’s what you want.

me: So could Sexification be a “sexier” replacement for the word “passion”?

Roger: I’d be hesitant to do so, only because passion isn’t enough, action is necessary.

Sexification is about passion and action. Love what you do, do what you love. Very little compromise.

me: Perfect, I think you need T-shirts. I’d wear one. Hell… I’d sweat in one then make my lady friends wear them. Because wet t-shirts hugging the curvature of boobs is definitely sexy.

Roger: That just increases the Sexification of everyone involved, and I’m ok with that.

me: I look forward to your threaded merchandise. Now, let’s move on to some training aspects. First up, besides the big 3 lifts, which are your other personal favourites and why?

Roger: I’m sure that this will net me a major loss in man points, but I hate deadlifting! And benching too. So I guess I’m left with the Big “1”. Aside from squatting though, I love chin ups, push ups, and rowing

Shit, dips too

me: First time I heard of a man hating the bench… that’s weird. But then again, you aren’t exactly normal. But loving dips definitely redeems you some of the brownie points you lost for not liking the bench. Now here’s a question from Twitter… “What do you think is the sexiest feature on a woman?”

Roger: I will not be deterred while talking about my love exercises! I actually love 45 degree back extensions and band hip thrusts most these days. It ties into my long term goal, but we can talk about that later on

As for the question, I’m gonna go with a nice pair of butt cheeks, FJ

me: my man!

Roger: I’ve seen big pairs of boobs, and while they’re a nice novelty, they’re largely overrated. Plus boobs can be too big. I’ve NEVER seen an ass too big on a woman who isn’t obese.

me: Indeed. Did you read my interview with this girl, Lily Frei? Squatted 185lbs for 10, full ROM. No quarter squat BS and she has quite the ass to show for it.

Roger: I didn’t get past the video of her squatting. She kind of derailed my entire day. I almost lost my job because of her.

So tell her thank you

me: I’m sure she appreciates your kind words. I’ll be sure to pass this along. But yeah, if only all women started squatting, the world would be a better place. So let’s go to Serena William’s ass for a second. Here’s your chance to confess your love to it without your woman finding out. And even if she does, who cares? You’re on FJ’s turf baby!

Roger: I’m a firm believer that all statements made regarding Serena William’s ass cannot be used against any man by any woman anywhere at any time

me: I now deem you Roger Lawyer Lawson the 2nd

Roger: I mean…JUST LOOK AT IT FJ!

She could turn a dress into a thong

me: oh my…so let’s continue this interview next week yeah?

Roger: She has a rare ass, the kind of ass that tears pants. One minute next to her ass is the equivalent of 20 hours of real time. I’m sure Einstein wrote about this somewhere in one of his books

me: and I’m sure he would be rather proud of the use of his theory right now

Roger: Lets just say I’d drink her bathwater… Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way

me: Now that I know what to get you for Xmas *cough* poster *cough* haha let me ask you a “practical” question. Because people reading this also expect “useful advice,” or whatever.

Roger: If they can’t get something useful out of Serena’s cheeks, then their life is over.

me: Amen! So say I’m weak, pathetic, have no equipment, too poor for a gym, my girlfriend left me for FJ, my mom disowned me, and I’m a failure at life… BUT I still want to get in shape. How would you sexify me?

Roger: That person is a prime candidate for Sexification – where there is a will, there is a Smith

…Err there is a way.

Odds are this person is bigger than average, so the good thing is that any progressive resistance will increase their Sexifications, but without equipment they have several options…

1) Bodyweight training: I’m a big fan of this type of training as you can pretty much do it anywhere. You have your squats. People usually stop with bodyweight squats and pistol when they’re talking about these, but there is a big ol’ gap in the middle that’s missing. Buy some gangster book bags which you can load up with weights and use that as resistance.

me: It’s true, my anatomy book can be used as an Olympic bumper plate.

If only it had a hole

Roger: Hip thrusts will put a hole into that one for sure

me: HIYOOO! It’s because you have that long Asian penis

Roger: Be careful before I impregnate you via the internet. You also have your chin ups. If you look hard enough, you can always find a place to do them from.

me: That’s what I said about strippers, but no one believes me.

Roger: And that will be their downfall! But if you do pull-ups at random spots then sure, some people may think you look stupid. Especially if you do them from a tree, but that’s ok. Haters gonna hate.

Also, If said person is pretty poor, they can build some of their own equipment. PVC pipes for dips etc.

me: True say, so bodyweight training is the go-to answer for this guy. And homebuilt equipment is genius. What frequency would you prescribe?

Roger: I’d go with full body sessions 3-4x a week.

We’re talking about a beginner here, so the stress that they place on their body isn’t going to be that great anyway, so recovery isn’t going to be compromised as long as they aren’t eating like a child.

me: Which brings me to my next point. This dork obviously cannot afford fine dining… so what would you tell him to do?

Roger: The best thing about Sexification is that anyone can achieve it as long as they’re committed to action – buying in bulk is a fine starting place. Grocery stores often discount meat a few days before they go “bad” and as long this guy buys and cooks them up ASAP, he’ll be good to go.

His nutrition will probably be pretty boring too, but it’ll get the job done: chicken breasts/thighs (buy thighs with skin on them and remove the skin yourself as that’s a cheaper option usually)

Also don’t forget the BIG ASS industrial sized bags of rice for like $10. Oh and eggs. Eggs are dope, cheap, and taste worlds better than egg-whites. I’m convinced that a puppy gets kidnapped every time someone throws away a yolk.

Do it for the puppies, people.

me: Haha, nice. Alan Aragon has a similar saying, what is it? “Nature cringes every time a yolk hits the wastebasket?”

and Charles Poliquin is famous for saying “Egg whites are for dorks.” Or at least I think that was him… I’m on my 3rd glass of Scotch.

Roger: Alcoholic

me: Hell yes. Now, you have some solid posts on your blog, specially the one about how you used to be a McDonalds whore… give me the quick and dirty on how you stopped being such a whore and how others can get their dignity back.

Roger: Sweet Jesus, those were the dark days indeed

me: Yah those receipts looked brutal. I spend more at a gentleman’s club.

Roger: You have to understand something – by the time I really made a SERIOUS effort towards stopping and changing, I was already a lifetime fast food hoe. So anything less than an all out cold turkey approach just didn’t work. I remember when I tried to wean myself off eating it to only 1x a week. I’d go like two days. Say that I’d use my “fast food” day early and be done with it, and as soon as that food touched my lips it was on like donkey kong in a victoria secret thong

me: That’s a terrible image.

…I meant you eating burgers, not donkey kong in a thong.

Roger: Hah. But once I committed to stopping though, I put a plan in place. Whenever I went out anywhere, I never took money or a credit card with me. And to be honest, I’ve never had a burger from a fast food joint (aside from In and Out). I was all about the fries, nuggets and sweets.

I’m sure I’m missing out on something amazing though.

me: Yeah kind of. Weird how you never ate their burgers. But in a way that’s even worse since the beef they use is OK. And by ok I mean it’s better quality meat than the chicken as far as I can tell.

Roger: Yeah. I’ve seen pictures of what it is and apparently it looks like alien sperm? Don’t judge me. My Sexification travels take me far and wide.

me: I wonder what your babies would have looked like if you kept on stuffing yourself with that stuff.

Roger: Probably like Carrot Top. Here is the advice that I’d offer to a person in a similar position: DO NOT rationalize. It was like going through withdrawals for me. On a daily basis I’d look for an excuse to hit up the drive-thru. “Oh, I stubbed my toe. I need 2 large fries to make it feel better”

me: Haha, now you just sound like my man, JC

Roger: He’s a brave one. He still messes with the temptress. I still think about eating that food daily, but I know that if I go down that road it is over for me.

me: So it’s still a bit of an on-going battle? How long do you think it’ll last?

Roger: Yessir. I’ve had the habit for most of my life, so this success will be on shaky ground for at least another year or two I imagine

me: Just think, Serena’s ass would never approve

Roger: And I cant have that! ROG LAW DONT PLAY THAT!

But yeah. Do not compromise. Eat anything but fast food. To be successful you have to break that connection between any emotions and feelings you have and the act of getting the food. It all starts with one day. 1 day leads to 2, and 3, and so on…

me: I think that’s why cooking is the shit. Makes you appreciate your time and the quality of the food. Not to mention the results.

Roger: Seriously, and it’s so much cheaper. I bought 5lbs of beef today for $15. I’d spend that in a day easily on food that I could crush in less than 10 minutes.

My worst day happened when I was in college. I got a family size bucket of KFC, 3 large fries, 5 place McChickens and 2 orders of Cinnamons melts.

…then I went to Wendys and got more later on.

me: How the fuck are you alive?

Roger: I don’t know man. I’m sure I’ve shaved a good 15-20 years off my life

me: I’d say.

Roger: I’m sure high intensity intervals would shake loose some plaque and kill me at this point, so I stick to walking.

me: haha oh how I dread cardio. But that’s pretty awesome. I know avoiding cravings isn’t easy, so good on ya for sticking to your guns.

Roger: *BROFIST*

me: *BROFIST*

Rapid Fire Round

me: Now to end off this shebang, I’m going to do a little rapid fire round. I’ll spam… err I mean, spit out questions and you have to answer them as fast as you can in one sentence or LESS. Ready?

Roger: While I was not born ready, I became ready at a superior rate of speed compared to mere mortals – lets do this

me: 1. What makes you awesome?

Roger: My ability to simplify complex and/or mind boggling subjects and make you laugh while doing so.

me: 2. Three things people need to start doing TODAY to be more awesome?

Roger: Taking action consistently, Blaming no one but themselves for their lack of personally defined success, and having lots of sex.

me: 3. Your all time favourite supplement?

Roger: Protein powder

me: 4. One quick, effective tip to lean down for the beach?

Roger: Track your food intake like a mofo – being sexy never happens by accident.

me: 5. Favourite “Cheat” Meal?

Roger: Macaroni & Cheese with a side of apple pie

me: 6. Vodka or Rum?

Roger: Caprisuns

me: 7. Why do white people want to be as sexually tanned as us?

Roger: Because being tanned makes everything better and increases your sexual aura by at least 72%

me: 8. Sex on the first date?

Roger: You should know the answer to this… c’mon MAAAAAN!

me: 9. Top guilty pleasure?

Roger: Multiplayer Online RPGs

me: 10. What are you currently reading?

Roger: Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why

me: 11. What are you currently watching (shows)?

Roger: Curb Your Enthusiasm’

me: And finally, number 12. Favourite movie of all time?

Roger: Enter the motherfucking Dragon!

me: Good choice. I really thought you were gona say something like, “The Notebook”

Roger: Nah, I just re-enact every scene from that movie for fun.

me: Hey I can’t hate. I like to pretend I’m a “Mean Girl”

Except instead of plastic, i like to be called latex!

Roger: And this is why you’re a God among men

me: I’m never one to shy away from kind words.

I have to say BROger, this has been quite the blast. Like this hot chick that farted on my face while I went down on her. Except this I liked… that i didn’t.

Roger: LOL

me: Is it too much to ask for sexual courtesy? like damn.

Roger: I know a guy who lost his face from such an incident

me: What a pussy! But my sympathies, I guess.

Roger: Should’ve taken more Creatine

me: Nah, that’s too scientifically sound. More like, Indigo 3g!

Roger: Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Indigo 3g increased by squat by 2lbs and enabled me with the power to impregnate people by looking at them. Male or female.

So don’t fuck with me – I’ll give you triplets and crush your bank account.

me: … I think Aragon needs to update the last month’s edition of AARR with some REAL facts. I’ll vouch for you. I already feel a tingle in my loins

Roger: I just looked at your twitter pic. You’re done dude.

me: Hah, that needs to be the topic of interview #2. So, any last words? Also, give the readers some info on where you can be found. In case they want to be impregnated as well.

Roger: I can be found blogging like a semi-mad man over at roglawfitness.com as well as interacting daily with folks on Facebook: facebook.com/roglaw and you can follow me on twitter here: @RogLaw

me: Right on. Alright homeslice, till next time. We really should do this more often.

Roger: –should +will

And the world will be a much better place for it. Thanks for the interview man, I’ve been meaning to contact you for awhile now but you beat me to it. I am shamed.

me: It’s ok, my sexiness does tend to intimidate. But I figured I’d be the bigger man
Later

Roger: Farewell!

All Good Things Come To An End

So what did you think? Best interview ever? Best fitness interview ever? Probably. If you have any questions for Roger, post them in the comments below and he’ll be sure to get to them. In the meantime, check out his blog and as always, lift something heavy. I think the term “sexification” is going to be thrown around here much more often in the future.

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© 2011 – 2012, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

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Let me be honest, about a year ago I would’ve never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would write an article rocking such an absurd title. While people use supplements and flock to their nearest GNC for the latest greatest magic in a bottle, deep down they know the supplement industry is complete nonsense. It’s a scam artist’s way of legally making money. An industry where marketing departments dwarf the science labs where real R&D should be taking place. The obvious solution to this has been whined about over and over – regulate supplements like drugs.

However, doing so will not result in fantasy land where every bottle you buy will be as potent as Viagra mixed with speed. Regulating this industry will have a few major drawbacks that are worth considering… so for the next few minutes, set aside your anger of how you got burnt when a bottle of fat loss pills didn’t work or when a special creatine blend failed to put on 10lbs of lean mass in two weeks.

1. Innovation

If the supplement industry was regulated and each product was treated like a drug which had to pass an absolutely ridiculous process of getting approved, then 95% of products on the market would vanish out of thin air. Poof, and it would be gone. Now I know what you’re thinking – “Good riddance! That garbage won’t be missed!”

However, it’s these fly by night products that fuel a company’s bottom line. It’s what pays for the formulators who will eventually, one day, come out with a break-through product. While most products are indeed garbagesauce, the supplement industry, in my opinion, is heading to a much better place. I mean, I’ve reviewed enough supplements to know how much nonsense there is out there… but killing their source of income and putting bullshit regulations will seriously slow down innovation. Right now, it’s whatever goes. The whole thing is like one big experiment and it’s only from trial and error that something worthwhile comes forth.

Personally, I believe the speed of the supplement industry is similar to the speed of web technology. The internet is one big open platform where almost anything goes, and it’s because of this openness that we have amazing tools and products such as facebook, twitter, youtube, wordpress, myspace etc.  Can you imagine if every website on the planet had to go through a government approval process? How fucked up would that be? My site would most definitely not exist – unless I bribed the politicians with lots of lap dances.

2. Abuse Proof… Sorta

Ok, so let’s say you got your wish and the supplements on the market today were all approved by the FDA. Would this make things safer and more consumer friendly? Pfft… hardly. See, while people think that supplement companies can do whatever the fuck they want and get away with anything, this is hardly the case. Supplement companies aren’t stupid, they know this unregulated space is a double edged sword. So while this gives them freedom to create crazy products, they know that if a minority of people happen to experience an unwanted or major side-effect, their ass is in trouble.

If their products were regulated like drugs and were allowed on the market, side effects would just be part of the game, all they would have to do is mention them (correct me if I’m wrong or missing further details). How many times have you seen those ads where some fag boy in a feminine voice talks about all the beauties of the advertised drug, then right after he says “So talk to your doctor if our insane pill is right for you…” he spews off a massive list of side effects that scare the shit outta you? I know I can’t be the only one. I remember one time I heard the voice say “…may also cause rectal bleeding”. Uhm, no thanks.

The point is, regulated supplements would be extremely potent since companies would have to prove that they work. And since a majority of the population is full of retards, abuse would be so commonplace that it would be shocking. Did you know that Tylenol overdose causes about 450 deaths per year? Yeah, yet that shit is still allowed on store shelves without a prescription. However, when a couple of morons decided to abuse ephedra a few years back died, the ingredient was immediately banned. So the final take home point? Over the counter drugs are far more dangerous than the stuff you can nab from your local supplement store.

3. Easy To Enter

No, I don’t mean your mom… I mean the supplement industry. If you have solid marketing skills and can raise some capital, you’re in. There are plenty of raw ingredient manufacturers and all you have to do is tell them what to mix, how much to mix, what to bottle it in and the label you want to printed on it. Done. While that may sound like an over simplification of the process, it’s actually not too far off from the truth. If you’ve read The 4 Hour Work Week, the you know that’s pretty much the process that Tim followed to create his own supplement and brand.

So why is it a good thing if new companies can pop up daily? Isn’t it better to have a few reliable sources? Yes and no. While having a few core companies is all well and good, this little quirk in the industry ensures that no one company ends up as a dominating monopoly. A new top dog will always rise, killing off the old ones in the process. Again, it’s just like on the web. The most famous example being how facebook managed to overthrow the previous social giant, myspace. Freedom allows rapid growth and those who can’t keep up will either be forced to step aside or will be stomped into submission. In the end, I believe we will win.

Conclusion

As you can tell, I’ve put some thought into this piece. At this point I believe those that bitch about the supplement industry and ask that it be governed and regulated are just people who didn’t do their research and therefore got burnt by products that didn’t deliver. They have no one to blame but themselves. Read the reviews, do your ingredient research and buy products that are worth the cash. It’s kind of like voting, but with your wallet.

See, drug companies don’t need our votes, they have doctors. If you’re sick and a doc prescribes a pill that will supposedly cure you or help you in some way shape or form, you aren’t going to sit and research it’s ingredients and go through reviews on the net. You’ll just go buy the damn thing and pop it.

The supplement industry on the other hand is wide open, we can sway it which ever way we want. Buy the right products and in a few more years we will have ourselves some supplements that truly kick ass. Well, in theory anyway…

- FitJerk

Content originally written by FitJerk for www.fitjerk.com – © 2011 All Rights Reserved. Images copyright of their respective owners. The verbal content of this post is NOT to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face.

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© 2011, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

Tired Of Looking Ordinary? Click Here And Get FJ To Design A Fitness Plan Just For You! FREE Initial Consultation.