Yes I know, this is a sensitive topic… so I figured it would be fitting for my harsh words to tackle it. My fellow men, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I feel you. When you see your woman lose her goddess like figure right in front of your eyes, you feel helpless. You feel like you need to save her. You feel like you should do something. I mean if you love your mistress, you should encourage what’s best for her, right? Well of course. But what happens when we try to verbalize our positive intentions?

We are rewarded… with tears, slaps, scratches and house hold objects that end up doing double duty as projectiles. Yup, I’ve been there. So the first thing you need to do is think about why you need to bring up this conversation. Do you want her to lose weight only for your selfish needs? If so, you’re an idiot. If she’s gained like three pounds, and it bothers you… suck it up. However, if she’s gained like 30, and it’s starting to become a legitimate health issue, then you have the right and moral obligation to bring this up. Even “if” you get slapped.

To my lovely women, you need to know that 95% of the time when your man is making an attempt to ask you to become ‘healthier’, its coming from a good heart and with positive intentions. We men are visual, we get turned on by your physical features. Yes, your personality is important and it’s crucial that you have a brain but when it comes down to feeling that sexual desire… we are hard-wired for sexy looks. Feel fortunate that he gives enough of a shit to make sure you stay healthy even though you’ve decided to let yourself go. Not many individuals want to pick up someone that has fallen… usually you have to do that yourself. It’s an act of love, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. And please, for the love of god, spare the tears. You’ll need all those electrolytes for the gym.

So gentleman, let’s get to it (And ladies, do read along. If you have any suggestions and inputs to make… there is a very functional comment section below that I check daily. Don’t sent me rant emails, add to the conversation). I’ll outline random techniques and you can decide which one suits you best.

Nipping The Problem At The Bud

Ok first of all, you should only ever date the type of women you know you want. Don’t know the type of women you want? Well then sit down and write that shit out. Seriously. Doing this seems shallow at first but in the long run you are saving yourself lots of time while being honest to yourself. I mean it’s a complete douche move to get into a relationship with a chick and have her believe that you truly like her… all the while you know that you just “settled” because she was willing to have you. Lame. Don’t be such a fucking loser. It’s unfair to you and more importantly, HER.

[Yup, I know what I want]

Have some standards. If you recall, I mentioned that I had this problem. But since then I’ve never really had this happen. Why? Because of the women I like to date – they are usually into working out anyways. And if you’re the type of guy that loves the bodacious booty, then you really have nothing to complain about… just read along for fun.

Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get to some real problem solving techniques

Brutal Honesty

Some señoritas don’t like it when you beat around the bush (pun intended). They are almost like us men in that regard… they prefer that you speak directly to their face, without any bullshit or sugar coating. Personally, I get stiff around these types of women because they are just so much fun to hang with. So, if you know your woman to be of this sort then consider yourself lucky. You can just come out with it. But don’t be an asshole…

[This isn’t brutal honesty. It’s just brutal]

Telling her she looks like a cow or a whale or telling her she’s getting “fat” is basically a death sentence. She might love honesty, but she also loves to honestly whoop your ass. Here’s a more reasonable way to go about it.

“Hey, I want you to start coming to the gym with me. I could use a partner”

“Huh? Why what are you trying to say? That I’m fat?”

“This isn’t the Biggest Loser, you’re not fat but we both know you’re slipping a little. I care about you, and want you to be healthy. You have self respect in every other area of your life, so why not this?”

That’s just one example off the top of my head. If you’re reading that and thinking “that would never work” then I sense two problems. One, you’re not with a brutally honest woman like you thought you were… so try something else. Or two, you didn’t bother coming up with your own conversation starter. Brainstorm, this isn’t welfare where I just hand all the solutions to you.

Wait For The Initiation

Women aren’t stupid (surprise, you ape!). If they’re starting to put on the chuby chub, chances are… they realize it and will sooner or later bring it up. “Do I look fat in these jeans” is the all time over-used statement but in my experience they rarely ever say such Hollywood garbage. Still, it doesn’t matter how it happens, because it will. The line she uses is arbitrary and irrelevant. You just make sure that once she brings it up, you’re ready to make your move. Let’s play through an example…

“Hey, I think I’ve put on a bit of weight lately… am I fat to you?”

“Don’t be silly, have you seen the biggest loser? That’s considered FAT. However, because I care about you and your well being I don’t want to lie to you, I think you’ve slipped slightly, babe.”

“Omg! Really? This sucks… I hate feeling this way”

“Well it’s nothing to be all worried about. Why don’t we start cooking healthy meals more often instead of going out to eat? Oh and we can join this fun boot camp or even a salsa dancing class… I know you can dance girl!”

The good thing about waiting for the initiation is that she can’t really blame you. I mean first of all she brought it up and second of all, you were just being honest. You honest chap you. If she starts to throw a fit you can just be like “Why the fuck do you want me to lie to you? Is that what you really want? I thought honesty was important”… etc.

The bad part about this little technique is that you have zero control of when it will happen. It could take her a few weeks, a month of maybe a year to realize this… and sometimes the problem could get seriously out of control which is why personally, I would never take this approach. It’s a pussy’s way out. Still, if your intentions are right and you’re generally a non-confrontational person then it can really work. Plus it’s probably the least risky thing you can do; so you won’t have a coffee maker flying at your face. Trust me, women have spectacular aim.

Bring Up A Fact(s)

This one should be done artfully, and is great if you consider yourself a decent actor (just don’t expect any Oscars… however a Tony award is never outta the question). Say you’re sitting down together on the couch and you have your laptop with you. Make sure you have a funny/interesting story about weight loss bookmarked and just bring it up. For example:

“Hey babe, check this out! This dude lost 10lbs in a week just by cutting out sugar and switching to home-made pizzas!”

[Note: You can find awesome fitness and research articles on Fitmarker – just hunt around!]

Then you just read it to her, or let her read it and chill back and do something else. Don’t sit there waiting for her reaction. If she knows she has gained a bit of weight, then 90% of the time she will bite. What she says is anyone’s guess but it’ll be something. Be ready for it and be supportive. In essence, this technique is like the one above, but you’re giving it a nudge. You’re blowing on the fire. But remember, I said that this should be done artfully.

Again, women aren’t dumb and if you come across like you’re desperately wanting her to lose weight to fulfill your needs than this shit will backfire. She’ll get the hint and will explode in your face.

Now, what happens when 10% of the time she doesn’t bite? Well then you just leave and forget about it. Do not bring up some other cool weight loss fact in a few days because now she’ll get the hint. One random fact and article about losing weight is cool and interesting. Three in a row… now you’re trying to hint at something instead of growing a pair of balls and just speaking.

Relate To Her

If “Bringing up a fact” fails, then you can directly transition into this technique as long as it makes sense. Say you’ve noticed your woman gain some weight but you don’t possess the body of Greek god either. You know you have a few pounds to lose, so the best thing to do is to leverage this little flaw of yours.

So recap: You bring up a fact, she reads it and doesn’t bite. Then after a few minutes you say, “You know what babe? If that dude can lose 10lbs eating pizza then I can get in better shape as well. I think I’m going to start doing something about my fatness and join a gym.”

(Wait for her response… whether is positive or negative is irrelevant)

“You know, this is important to me and I could use your support in the gym. Why don’t you join with me? It’s going to be super sexy seeing you workout and it will motivate me. I’ll even let you tell me what to do till I sweat buckets!”

See that little nugget of gold I underlined? Yeah that is the magic bullet. Honestly, if your woman doesn’t want to JUMP at the chance of telling you what to do for an hour straight then something is fucked up. Check her for depression. I mean, every woman has that one secret goal: to tame their man and turn him into a well trained monkey boy… and if you’re giving her outright permission to do so, she better jump ship. If not, check to see that her weight gain isn’t affecting her cognitive performance.

Also, you can (obviously) use this technique by itself. Instead of letting her read an article you can just bring it up during a conversation and be like “So I was reading this interesting article the other day about how a man lost 10lbs eating pizza…”. You get the idea.

The FJ Method. Man The F*ck Up

I need to put forth a fair warning before you consider my method. DO NOT use this if you’re a girly man. Seriously… if you possess a soft voice, moisturize your hands on a daily basis, afraid to yell when you fee like it, afraid to pee in the urinal next, take orders from your woman during sex, don’t workout regularly, think that throwing her against a wall and biting her neck in the process is “violent” then really… don’t bother. You’re better off with the subtle and artful techniques outlined above.

However, if you know what you stand for then here is the catch-22… you probably don’t need me to tell you what to do. Chances are you’ve already told her what’s up and why it’s important she takes care of herself. I’ve already stated that I usually don’t have this “weight” problem happen to me anymore but there have been times when I felt the need to say something and was just direct about it.

The way I see it… if I’m busting my ass to take care of myself and she’s enjoying the fruits of my labor (a sexy hot body she can molest at anytime she wishes) then I expect the same or similar level of commitment on her part. I expect her to have enough self respect to take care of herself. Know what I mean? Good.

For the sake of making a point and possibly for your entertainment here is how I would verbally handle it:

“Hey… what’s this? *feels up tummy* Cut down on the beer & chips there party girl!”

*Punches arm* “Omg shut up! I’m not fat!”

“No but you’re definitely on fat street… and the destination is 300 lbs. Come back to self-respect land where you take care of yourself. It’s sexy.”

“Whatever! Don’t be an ass”

…and that’s it. I don’t need a verbal commitment from her, a written promise or any of that bullshit. Just a few sentences are enough to let her know what I’m thinking and what she needs to do to keep my attention. Again, I’m not saying this to be an “ass” as she said. What she really means by that last statement is “fuck, i hate it that you’re so honest but you’re right”. The course will be corrected.

And finally, if none of this works and her “health problem” is really bothering you then I would reconsider what type of women you really want. Stop lying to yourself and lying to her. It’s a bitch move. But that choice, I leave to you.

Cheers.

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© 2011, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

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