When you are nervous, hesitant or have self doubt in your mind… what should you do? What do most people do? Well since we are social beings and we are always seeking for some encouragement and validation, so we try and get advice from our family and friends. And when you seek advice from people who already admire/like you, what type of “wisdom” do you usually receive?

“just be yourself and you’ll do just fine…”

“oh don’t worry about it, you’re awesome, you’ll be fine…”

But what if being “you” isn’t helping your cause? What if being you is not landing you the opportunities you want? What if being you is not in alignment with the dreams you have for yourself? Should you dumb down your dreams and goals just to “suit” your personality that you have today?

FUCK THAT.

Instead, maybe you should just change! I mean really… if the person that you are today isn’t helping your cause and not helping you get to where you want to be, then just fucking change. There are wayy too many people that preach “be yourself and stay who you are..” bullshit. This is so un-necessary. Life is too short to just accept the qualities that you were born with when they are not helping your situation.

If you’re an introvert, but you want to be the hottest club promoter in town… then you better get your act together. Start talking to people even if it scares the shit outta you. Start networking even if your networking skills suck… because they will eventually get better. If you feel you can’t hold the attention of people because you are 5 feet tall… then learn to speak LOUD. YELL if you have to. Command attention!

If you are a big motherfucker and happen to scare people off with your ginormous frame, then dress differently and smile more… make yourself seem friendlier and more approachable.

Faking It vs Being It

Now let me be absolutely clear about something. “Changing” yourself doesn’t mean faking it for a brief period of time to get what you want, then dropping back into the same old person you were. This will never work… why?

Because when you “fake it”, people will know. When they know, they will avoid you and you’ll be called out on it… and ironically you WON’T get what you were trying to get when you started faking your shit.

Changing yourself means REALLY changing yourself. Like once you go through the process… you should be a whole new person. Re-invented, re-born, re-enlightened. There is no going back because true change requires effort and it requires for you to work and invest in yourself.

But the problem is, no one wants to go through that process. They just want the end result. They want to run before they can walk. They want to reach the other side of the mountain without crossing the stank ass, beat up bridge. They want the reward without taking a risk.

NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN

However… you can fake it if you learn form the experience in order to make it. “Wait a minute FJ, you said you shouldn’t fake it”

Yes, I did. But how else are you supposed to practice? There is a difference between faking it for short term gain and faking it to gain experience for long term success. If people are constantly telling you that you need to appear and act more confident, then what the fuck are you supposed to do?

Just wake up one day and go “YEAH! I am going to be confident today…”. Uh, good luck with that. Instead, why not fix your body posture, talk louder, be more assertive, NOT take people’s shit? Each of these individual skills is what a confident person just does NATURALLY. But it’s natural because they have been doing things this way for a LONG TIME. So that’s what you need to do. Now when you’re practicing…

Will you be called on your shit? Yes

Will people make fun of you? Probably

Will you take things too far and piss a few people off? Absolutely

But eventually, you’ll get there… and they’ll respect you.

Think about it, after pissing of 10 people, you’ll know when you should and shouldn’t be assertive. You’ll know when to talk loud and when to shut the fuck up and listen. Anyone can do this. It’s not the hand you were dealt, it’s the order in which you play your cards.

- FitJerk