You know what I never get tired of? Ridiculousness. Thankfully in my field, there is a shit load of ridiculousness that pops up all the time… and I am going to dig into one of these trends today. It’s called Newtopia, and it’s a weight loss system based on genetic testing which guarantees that you’ll lose the weight and keep it off for life. Ok.

First, let’s talk about this name, “Newtopia”. It’s quite possibly the worst name for a weight loss system I’ve ever heard. I don’t know about you, but to me, Newtopia sounds like a drink. A strong alcoholic drink which has me on my ass after a hard night of partying if possible. Either that or some hippie board game… Newtopia – where the game pieces are shot glasses and you see weird shit from playing too much! Wait, do hippies drink? Probably not. Who cares, moving right along.

Once you get past the name, curiosity strikes and you visit their website to see what the monkey business they’re up to. Since you’re reading this, I’ll save you the trouble and explain how it works (at least from what I understand, and if I’m wrong… then bite me). What you do is pay Newtopia $129 for a “personalized profile” which includes an assessment, lifestyle profile, genetics testing, 2 personalized coaching sessions (through web chat I’m guessing) and a program review. Most of this shit is all fluff… I mean if you’re paying $129 for someone to assess your ass and babble with you over a webcam, then you’ve got some mental issues. The money really goes towards genetic testing.

You’re Gonna Test My Jeans?! Rad!

Their genetic testing works like this – they take your saliva, send it to a lab and after 10 days you’ll  be presented with your genetic profile, genetic tendencies and even your mannerisms (wtf?!). Armed with this knowledge, they will create a diet plan for you, online coach you and so on and so forth. How accurate is this genetic testing? I can’t say for certain, but I ain’t paying a hundred-and-twenty-fucking-nine dollars to find out that’s for sure. Still, it looks interesting and could reveal things such as food groups which may not suit you.

Let’s Re-Think This…

Here’s the problem with their model though – in those 10 days in which a normal person would wait for their results, I could help a person drop 3-5lbs, and it’ll cost em HALF of what Newtopia is asking. Truth be told it’s not just me, any competent trainer could help you achieve this. The crazy thing is that it doesn’t stop there, oh no. That $129 is just for the genetic testing and the assessment hoopla… after that you have to pay a monthly fee to keep the service going, and judging from what’s included, I’m guessing it’s gonna scare the wallet. I mean think about it, they send you a wireless pedometer, a wireless scale and assign you a dedicated coach(s) whom you can, apparently, ring up “on demand”. All of that can’t be cheap. [UPDATE: The system works out to $7/day - that's $210 per month! I love it when I'm right. Which is like, all the time.]

Going on a tangent, I think I would ring up my “assigned coach” at 2am and ask if it’s ok to eat a nut-much salad. Just to get my money’s worth. But that’s IF I was out of my mind and paying so much money for results that can be had for so much less.

It’s Got It’s Uses

It’s not all bad though… the pricing might seem ridiculous but I am a huge believer in E-Training. I believe it’s the future and that’s why half my business is based on this model. I know the benefits of constantly having someone there, pushing your ass when necessary first hand… and if you’d like to experience these benefits, give me a shout, failure isn’t an option. I also love technology and personally own a wireless scale, so credit goes to Newtopia for implementing useful tools.

Then there is the fact that there are people who need this kind of specialized testing before they start their weight loss routine – issues with diabetics, thyroid etc. But for everyone else? Give me a break. You don’t need to get your genetics tested… people have been losing weight successfully for years and kept it off through intelligent training programs while building habits under the guidance of a trainer who knows what the fuck they’re talking about.

These new systems that keep coming out always try to get all fancy and shit and that’s precisely why I don’t think they’ll ever work as well as intended. Do you know what happens when you build a machine with more parts than necessary? The reliability nose dives because there is more shit that can go wrong.

The shortest distance from one point to another is a straight line… and that’s the approach I take to fitness. It’s only when I encounter obstacles that I start to get all fancy and take little u-turns and whatever the hell is necessary. Trust me on this though, you don’t need to test your spit in a test tube, a general fit test will do just fine and so will a well-thought out nutrition plan. Newtopia is trying so hard to justify it’s price that to me, it seems like an overkill. I’ll give them one thing though… at least they aren’t as ridiculous as Slimband!

- FitJerk

This article is merely an opinion of FitJerk.com and exercises the right to free speech. FitJerk is in no way affiliated, related, associated nor has he ever mingled with Newtopia™ or any of it’s members. All images belong to their respective owners that hold the copyright. So greed infested lawyers… find someone else to fuck with. We hear your nutritionist puts out.

Content Originally Written By FitJerk For www.fitjerk.com – © 2010 All Rights Reserved – This post is NOT to be republished without author consent. Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face.

Discuss: I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this new system, would you cough up $129 and spit down a test tube to see which salad is right for your genes? Speak up and show me you’re alive.

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© 2010 – 2012, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

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