If you know how to use Twitter right, it can be one endless source of entertainment. I mean really, the amount of personal shit that people Tweet out for the world to see is crazy… and so I see it as my duty to humiliate such people. To an extent. Now obviously, since I focus on getting people in the best damn shape of their lives, I focus on Tweets that relate to my field. So after watching my episode of Entourage and finishing up my workout, I had time to chill and drink my massive protein shake. I went to search.twitter and typed in “lose weight”. After shifting through the hoards of spam, I came across real gems of tweets that cracked me the hell up.

Today I’ll be covering these desperate acts of revelations that people send out when it comes to losing weight. I tried to cover a wide variety of Tweets and have provided my necessary commentary for each one (is it ever unnecessary?). It basically highlights the general misconceptions that people have when it comes to dropping the lard off their asses.

On a side note, while I am poking fun at these individuals, know that I usually @reply to most of them and point them to one of my relevant kick ass articles in the hopes that they’ll see the light… even if I do laugh my ass off at em. And I guess I should also thank these 7 people, for giving me something to write about. Credit where credit is due, no doubt.

On with the list…

1. @newmanmn this weight gain is getting a little excessive..i need to yoga again

Haha, doing yoga for fat loss is like going to a strip club to find your soul mate. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there is a slight chance you’ll succeed but the chosen method is extremely inefficient for the task at hand. Mr.newmanmn is better off of reaching his goals by joining a pole dancing class.

Truth be told, this guy could clearly have been joking… its hard to tell since it’s Twitter but I highly doubt it. The problem is that people don’t seem to understand which exercises are truly effective when it comes to fat loss.

The general rule is that the more muscles an exercise works with the highest possible intensity, the more calories it’s going to burn. Resistance training also provides glycogen depletion in your muscles which is the bomb-shizzle for weight loss. I don’t have time to get into the science right now since I want to keep this post light… but just know that it will deliver some serious results.

At this point you might think I’m knockin yoga… but the truth is that you’d be insanely wrong. I actually do yoga once in a while, its great for relaxation and flexibility and for some serious inner peace. I mean hell, my ancestors came up with this shit, so I’ve got nothing but pride for it. But if you want to get shredded in a realistic amount of time, then there are more effective options.

2. @YoungDubMagInk: I need to get back on work out, how do u lose weight in your face lol

Heh, if only jogging your ass of could target those double chins like a death ray laser beam! If only. Too bad shit doesn’t work that way homie. I have a feeling this dude was mildly joking but still, it demonstrates another mis-conception that people still haven’t gotten their heads around… spot reduction.

I still haven’t come across a convincing system that does spot reduction so for now, forget about it. Your body loses fat depending on your genetics. Some people will lose fat from their arms first, some their hips and others their stomach. It’s better to just work your ass off (smartly) and just strip yourself of the fat all over and reach those single digit body fat levels. Double chins? Fuck man, your double rolls will disappear too. Awesome.

3. @jeroabendan: What do I need to do so that I could lose more weight…Should I just eat only a banana every night?

BAhahaha… this one cracked me up for a while. I RT’d this so my followers could laugh as much as I did. He actually got back to me and asked for a genuine suggestion so I decided to help this poor soul and recommended some basic weight loss knowledge and tips so in the future he can at least ask a more intelligent question, if not get down to 10% body fat. It all depends on how he used the info I gave him… but god damn. The banana diet. I had only heard of this phenomenon but never saw a person who considered it. It was one of those ghostly fairy tails you hear but think to yourself, “nah… it can’t possibly be true!”. I should know better though, people really do fall for stupidity when they desperately need a solution.

4. @LaToYaP: These extra tight jeans is making me have gas. I need to lose weight

Where do I even begin with this one? What a complicated problem she has huh? Here’s a tip: wear pants that FIT! It’s not that hard. I’m pretty sure the idea behind tight pants was for someone to show off their figure… if you have no figure to speak of, then don’t show it off. The agony isn’t worth it and neither is having you fart all over the place. Also, I’ve seen girls who have perma-crease marks from wearing non-fitting tight jeans for so damn long.

It’s like “oh I didn’t know you had surgery?”

“Uh, I didn’t! Why do you ask…?”

“Where did you get those scars from… oh uh, nevermind!”

To avoid this awkwardness, spend some time in the gym, pay your dues in sweat and get a figure… then you can wear all the tight pants you want. Right now it’s a lose-lose situation. You’re wearing pants that are too tight to fit, and I don’t want to look at your figure.

5. @CraigJoosten: i need to lose more weight down to 230 i think 210 is ideal then i might look decent. One day i will be good looking enough for someone.

If you found this funny then congrats… you are an asshole. Oh well, join the club

Actually it’s called dark humor, and it is rather hilarious. But let’s look beyond the hilarity and get down to the nitty gritty. What we have here is a classic case of low self esteem resulting in low expectations. I’m not sure how heavy this guy is, but the mere fact that he thinks 210lbs is ideal is shocking. Most bodybuilders that are on their bulk cycle are usually around 210-250lbs so unless he’s built of solid mass (highly unlikely), I’m assuming it’s all fat. Mr low self esteem needs to change his attitude first and aim for higher goals. It’s one thing to aim too far out of sight, but it’s another to have low expectations of yourself.

I know plenty of people who were heavy but changed their lives around because they ditched that useless self-victimizing attitude. If you could rate every type of attitude from 1 to Awesome, the self-victimizing attitude would be a fucking minus 10. It’s that destructive. It paralyzes anyone who falls into it’s little trap… so ditch it ASAP.

6. @RemeeZAPxRaichu: RT if you think I need to lose weight

Someone should RT and tell her that she needs to make her own fucking decisions based on self judgement. I mean really? This person is going to go and lose weight if a bunch of people thought she was fat? HAHA. That just makes me laugh. Why the hell would you want random people over Twitter to control the actions of your life? Retarded.

Now you may be thinking “C’mon FJ, it’s probably a joke, she won’t follow through”.

Don’t be so sure. If enough people RT that she needs to lose weight, she’ll automatically assume and generalize that everyone thinks she is fat… this includes her family and friends. Now I didn’t look at her profile picture, and whether she does or doesn’t need to lose weight is not even the point right now. The point is that she needs to look in a fucking mirror and decide for herself. If she does need an opinion, she should seek a professional one based on facts.

7. @Mel30Rock: Wondering how much weight I can lose in 10 days? Lol. I would like to be slightly less fluffy

Haha, this is the classic plead of a bride. “OMG I’m getting married in two weeks, I need to lose weight so that I can look hot on my honeymoon! Helppp!”. With serious supplementation, great meal planning and a hardcore workout plan with outrageous frequency and crushing intensity, this person can probably manage to lose 6-8lbs in those 10 days. But the chances of pulling that off are as slim as he wants to be.

This is the misconception of instant gratification. People just can’t seem to plan their god damn lives in advance. I think having the skill to accomplish shit last minute is awesome, fantastic, even a live saver. But when it comes to body recomposition, it’s utterly foolish. Getting in great shape is a marathon. I always say the following: ordinary actions, done over a period of time will deliver extra-ordinary results.

That’s all for now. Hope you learnt something from these hopeless Tweets. If you got some genius insights to share, feel free in the comment section below.

And if you have time then go ahead to search.twitter.com and enter the “lose weight”… or better yet, “gain weight” and see what you find. Share any and all hilarious tweets below.

- FitJerk

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© 2010, By FitJerk. FitJerk.com is a division of Flawless Fitness Media – All Rights Reserved – No part of this post is to be republished without author consent under any forms of media (including print, internet, video or audio transcription). Doing so is a violation against copyright law and should be punishable by a punch to the face. All images are copyright of their respective owners.

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