Eating carbs and feeling like shit… sounds pretty counter productive right? I mean, we’ve been lead to believe that carbs are fuel and should therefore make you “go” after their consumption. And It doesn’t matter if they are high-gi carbs such as white flour where you get a boost then crash or if you take in low-gi carbs such as brown rice and have a smooth stream of energy.

But, this ain’t always the case. For some of you, what I said above will ring true. You will get a quick boost after eating some white bread  and you will have a nice smooth stream of energy after eating brown rice. But for others? It might be the complete opposite; you will feel like shit after eating some white bread but feel awesome after having some legumes. Why is this?

Well princess, that’s just the way your body handles the different types of carbohydrates, and I’m not even talking about high-gi or low-gi, I’m talking about old vs new-age. Let’s dive in a little deeper. See before, I was all about the high-gi and low-gi carbs, and anything else didn’t really matter. Now, I’m all about the old vs new-age carbs, along with portioning techniques to maximize my energy. I do what my body responds to best.

Some of you may know what old age carbs are all about. It’s known as the Paleo diet… or the “caveman diet”. Now wait, if you think this is another “follow the Paleo lifestyle” article, slap yourself across the face, Cuz it ain’t. There are hundreds of douches that blindly follow the Paleo diet when they could be making SERIOUS progress and feeling EVEN BETTER if they took the “Caveman carbs vs. New-Age carbs test”.

Before we get to this test, let me explain what the Paleo diet is. If you already know what it’s all about, skip this paragraph. The Paleo diet is… actually fuck it, here’s the description taken from thepaleodiet.com, it explains it pretty well: “The Paleo Diet is a way of eating in the modern age that best mimics diets of our hunter-gatherer ancestors – combinations of lean meats, seafood, vegetables, fruits, and nuts. By eating the foods that we are genetically adapted to eat, followers of the Paleo Diet are naturally lean, have acne-free skin, improved athletic performance…” Blah Blah Blah. Remember that not everyone will experience these benefits so I had to cut off their overly marketing-like description. The best way to know if something is considered part of the Paleo diet or not is to ask yourself “If I was a caveman millions of years ago and lacked any type of farming and/or cooking skills, what would I eat?”.

Now, what the hell are “New-Age Carbs?” Well that’s any type of food that man kind has been consuming since they learnt how to farm and cook. This includes things like wheat, potatoes, rice etc. I had someone tell me that potatoes should be considered “caveman carbs” since it was a vegetable. Was this moron aware that potatoes grow in the ground and cannot be consumed without cooking? In fact it was introduced to Europe around the 1500’s… I don’t know about you but that’s not during the caveman era.

So, About This Test: During one of of your major meals, consume ONLY New-Age carbohydrates and then 15-20 mins after, rate your energy on a scale of 1-10 (if you fell asleep it’s a 0). Then the next day, during the same meal, consume only cave-man carbs such as fruits, leafy vegetables etc. and rate your energy on a scale of 1-10. Avoid eating meat during your testing for more accurate results.

Results:

• If your score on the first day was higher than on the second day, then you should feel slightly relieved since your body is optimized to digest all the foods that surround us today such as pasta, rice, white bread, oats, flour (pancakes!) etc.
• If your score was higher on the second day, then sorry, but a Paleo style diet would be a much better option for you if you like to feel energetic. New-Age carbs don’t have to be avoided completely, but they should not make up the majority of the foods you eat… meat and vegetables should.
• If both your scores were very similar (off by +/- 1) then congratulations you lucky fucker. You’re spearheading our species and your body has adapted to properly digesting and taking advantage of all the carbohydrate types. Wana have my babies?

Now, I don’t know the exact statistics on the test results, but I will say this: More of the world’s population is optimized for a caveman eating lifestyle than the new-age lifestyle. Our species just hasn’t had time to adapt to the speed of our mass-production techniques. This is the reason so many douchecocks have been raving about Paleo like it’s the end-all be all.

Why Some People Have Evolved While Others Haven’t

I’m going to give a very brief and general explanation as to why this weird phenomenon exists. It could almost be considered a theory but after putting people through the above-mentioned test over and over, I’ve come to realize that patterns don’t lie.

If your genes were passed down from ancestors that were heavy meat eaters then the new-age carbs will make you feel like shit. This is because your ancestors were probably living in a habitat with lots of animals around but not enough edible vegetation to sustain a tribe. It’s common sense to spend the least amount of energy for the biggest return. Think about it… walk hundreds of miles and use massive man power to harvest some fucking berries or take a 5 man team with spears and kill a bull that will feed all of you for the next 4 days? Hmm…

On the other hand, if your ancestors were living in a part of the world where meat was scarce, they had to take risks and go around finding fruits and vegetables that they could easily pick/pluck to survive… and eventually as the demand for food grew, they figured out farming techniques and expanded their food source to underground shit such as potatoes. People from this, err… “gene pool” will feel alive when they eat something like white bread or oats. Not an entirely bad spot to be in eh?

So Where Does FJ Fit In?

*sigh*… hate to admit it but bread just ain’t for me. I want to take a nap after eating pasta or some shit which is why I eat as many vegetables and fruits as possible, properly combined with meat of course. So wait, why was I bashing the Paleo lovers if I have to follow the caveman lifestyle myself?

Because they think it’s the ONLY way. Their tunnel vision of “Paleo or nothing” really pisses me off because its fucking idiotic. Yes, a majority of the population is better off eating the cave-man lifestyle but that doesn’t mean you go around telling everyone it’s the only way. It isn’t. Millions of others can eat tasty, fresh baked bread right in front of their faces and have more energy they ever could. You need to know what works with whom. Stop the ignorant fanboy-ism and start doing what gives you results. You’ll only come out feeling like the fucking man! (or woman).

- FitJerk

FlawlessFitnessBook

Discuss: Do you follow the Paleo (caveman) style of eating or can you eat baguettes and jump off walls? Post your energetic thoughts below.